"The Radio Hour"
By Arlene Grubbs and Evelyn Levine
From Volunteer Recognition Skit Kit
The following is the opening scene of one of 7 skits in the book--to give you a flavor of the tone and humor.
The studio of WVOL, a 500 watt local radio station, broadcasting a weekly variety show. The year is 1942. There is a standing microphone center stage, and another lower one with chairs around it stage left. Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd are sitting limply in their chairs. They are expressionless and do not react until the ventriloquist arrives. Stage right is the sound effects table. Players for each scene, scripts in hand, gather around the microphone when speaking. Others may be seated on chairs at the rear of the stage or come on stage as their scene begins. (Throughout the skit, wherever blanks appear in the script, insert the names of your cast or your organization.) Sound effects person sounds chimes ala old NBC radio (G below middle C; middle C; E above middle C).
Announcer: V - B - S THE VOLUNTEER BROADCASTING SYSTEM. GOOD EVENING! WELCOME TO THE WVOL RADIO HOUR, DEDICATED TO THOSE WHO GIVE OF THEMSELVES THROUGH VOLUNTEERING. OUR SPECIAL GUESTS THIS EVENING ARE GEORGE BURNS AND GRACIE ALLEN, EDGAR BERGEN AND FRIENDS CHARLIE MCCARTHY AND MORTIMER SNERD, THE MYSTERY PLAYERS, SPECIAL GUEST KATE SMITH AND, AS ALWAYS, OUR LOVELY VOLUNTAIRES.
Voluntaires step to the microphone and sing to the tune of "Pepsi Cola Hits the Spot":
VOLUNTEERING HITS THE SPOT
HELP ONE PERSON, THAT'S A LOT
TWICE AS MUCH FOR YOUR EFFORTS, TOO
VOLUNTEERING IS THE WORK FOR YOU.
Announcer: THANK YOU LOVELY LADIES AND NOW LET'S JOIN GEORGE BURNS AND GRACIE ALLEN. GRACIE IS TELLING GEORGE THAT SHE HAS BECOME A VOLUNTEER.
George and Gracie come to microphone. Announcer steps to one side.
George: SO YOU'RE VOLUNTEERING, GRACIE?
Gracie: WELL, YES, I AM, GEORGE.
George: HOW DID THAT HAPPEN, GRACIE?
Gracie: WELL, I WAS STANDING IN THE POST OFFICE AND I SAW A SIGN THAT SAID "WANTED - REWARD" AND THERE WAS A MAN'S PICTURE ON IT. SO I SAID TO THE WOMAN NEXT TO ME, "WOULDN'T IT BE NICE TO BE WANTED?" SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS ALWAYS WANTED AND WHAT SHE DID WAS VERY REWARDING. I SAID, "THAT'S NICE, WHAT DO YOU DO?" SHE SAID THAT SHE VOLUNTEERED AT ____________________. I ASKED HER IF SHE HAD HER PICTURE UP IN THE POST OFFICE, TOO, AND SHE SAID, "NO." BUT SHE GAVE ME A BROCHURE WITH A PHONE NUMBER TO CALL.
George: AND SO YOU CALLED THE NUMBER?
Gracie: WELL, NO. FIRST I WENT TO THE PHOTOGRAPHER AND HAD MY PICTURE TAKEN AND THEN I CALLED THE NUMBER.
George: SO NOW YOU'RE A VOLUNTEER?
Gracie: WHEN I CALLED I TOLD THEM I ALREADY HAD MY PICTURE AND ALL I NEEDED WAS TO BE WANTED.
George: HMM, LIKE IN THE POST OFFICE POSTERS?
Gracie: YES, GEORGE, AND THEN I ASKED THE PERSON ON THE PHONE IF THERE WOULD BE A REWARD, BUT, GEORGE, SHE SAID THE STRANGEST THING.
George: WHAT WAS THAT, GRACIE?
Gracie: SHE SAID THEY REALLY LIKED "GIVING PEOPLE"....
George: SO YOU VOLUNTEERED?
Gracie: NO, GEORGE, I EXPLAINED THAT I DIDN'T WANT THEM TO GIVE ME ANY PEOPLE. I WANTED TO GIVE THEM MY PICTURE FOR A REWARD.
George: AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED, GRACIE? DID THEY PUT YOU ON THEIR MOST WANTED LIST?
Gracie: THEY DID SAY THAT THEY WANTED TO RECOGNIZE ME AND I ASKED THEM HOW COULD THEY RECOGNIZE ME IF THEY DIDN'T HAVE MY PICTURE?
Gracie: AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS, GEORGE. THEY SAID THEY COULDN'T RECOGNIZE ME UNTIL THE END OF APRIL WHEN IT'S NATIONAL VOLUNTEER WEEK AND THAT'S WHEN I SAID I WOULD VOLUNTEER ONCE A WEEK SO THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO PUT MY PICTURE IN THE POST OFFICE.
George: AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED, GRACIE?
Gracie: WHAT A FUNNY GROUP OF PEOPLE THEY HAVE THERE, GEORGE. HOW DO THEY KNOW WHO THEIR VOLUNTEERS ARE IF THEY DON'T RECOGNIZE THEM AND THEN THEY SAY THEY RECOGNIZE THEM ALL AT ONE TIME?
George: GRACIE, I THINK THAT IS CALLED A "EUREKA MOMENT."
Gracie: OH, NO, GEORGE, IT IS CALLED....
George: Interrupting) SAY "GOODNIGHT," GRACIE.
Gracie: GOODNIGHT, GRACIE.
George and Gracie exit.
Announcer: VOLUNTEERING MAY NEVER BE THE SAME. GRACIE WILL SEE TO THAT. AND NOW I WANT TO ANNOUNCE WVOL'S NEW JINGLE CONTEST. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS COMPLETE THE LAST LINE OF THIS JINGLE:
Fanfare is sounded by sound effects person.
Announcer: "THERE WAS A YOUNG WOMAN WHO WENT TO VOLUNTEER WHERE SHE WAS SENT HER TALENT WAS NOTED SHE WAS SWIFTLY PROMOTED DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA"
FIRST PRIZE IS A $35.00 JUNK BOND. SECOND PRIZE IS 30 LEFTOVER CERTIFICATES THAT WERE GIVEN TO VOLUNTEERS LAST YEAR AND THIRD PRIZE IS 25 USED NAME TAGS. VOLUNTEER NAME TAGS, OF COURSE. ENCLOSE YOUR ENTRY WITH A LABEL FROM YOUR LATEST VOLUNTEER JOB. ALL ENTRIES MUST BE POSTMARKED BY MIDNIGHT. THE DECISION OF THE JUDGES IS FINAL.
THE VOLUNTAIRES WILL NOW TICKLE YOUR EARS WITH THEIR RENDITION OF "S'WONDERFUL."
Voluntaires come to microphone.
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Excerpted from the Volunteer Recognition Skit Kit, by Arlene Grubbs and Evelyn Levine, CVA, 1992, Energize, Inc.
Found in the Energize website library at: http://www.energizeinc.com/art.html
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